Catching up

no this is not Magnes

This is the lovely Madelyn that came to me soon after i lost my muse.   She has been my mother's cat until very recently when my mom suffered an accident and had ended in a care facility.   Right bow Madelyn follows me like a shadow.    I still believe her first human also ended up in a care facility and that family abandoned her and her babies.

Aisha being emo.   She has been having a lot of issues since the extreme reaction she had to a flea product.   I am glad she is still alive i hope she comes to full recovery and no longer feels the need to hide.

 Some of my bracelet beads and one of my hair stakes.   I recently had a dream where i dropped the antler and it broke.   Not sure of the symbolism there.

Hello

Hey there. Not that i believe anyone reads my posts.  It has been a very long time and i have been going through a lot!

Last post was what 2 ish years ago?

Well i have been going through an awakening.   Did i ask for it? No.  Did it happen? Yes.  

The funny thing is if i had followed the path i had started when i was much younger i would have hit this so much earlier.   I had been studying massage and alternative healing.   I have bow come full circle and am back with my alternative lifestyle.   My dreams are to live in a cottage.  With an overgrown cottage garden.  A sheltered place where the cats can bask and play.  

My adventure in trying to be an online entrepreneur fell flat and to be honest my heart wasn't in it.   Yes it sounded too good to be true and it was.   As soon as i started struggling they basically said "well when you get back on your feet give us a call the door is always open.".  Ummm sure.  Following your advice basically put me in bankruptcy.  Which was a lesson i needed to learn.

Now for me to get back on me feetsies and start walking.

 I want my cottage. 

I want my garden.

 I want my field 

I want my dreams and i plan to have them.

These last 2 years have been insane with the plandemics.   I won't get into it.  If you choose to jab or not jab it is your choice. 

The world will never go back to what it was and that may be a very good thing.  People are not hiding their ugliness or bigotry.  They make it clear if you want to be with them or not.  People i thought intelligent before i now avoid.

But that to be honest os another life time and one i choose to walk away from.   

My life as i knew it is forever changed.  My mother is now in a care facility with extreme dementia.   Due to the pandemic it is questionable if i can see her.  She is also in her late 80s so i am not sure how much longer she will even be around.   What i do know is she is happy and living in her mind as a child on her parents farm.  Constantly stripping down and playing in the mud.

I need to focus on where i am going not where i have been. Change is inevitable it is only hard if we fight it.

Love and blessings 

Be at peace with your world.

Rocks

For many years almost my entire life I have picked up and collected rocks... It is a curse I got from my grandfather.

Sometimes I just set the pieces around and sometimes I put them in boxes to play with later.  

I realized that each rock tells a story of geologic time.  Times of  immense stresses where the planet was torn and pushed.  When it was drowned and frozen or burned.  It takes special circumstances for certain elements to form into crystal.   For example. Opals are the remains of a fossilized ocean.  Petrified wood is a fossilized opalized tree that drowned a long long time ago. 

Pumice and obsidian are both ejected from a volcano creating the land we walk on.  

Right now I am playing with a stone that shows how the crust we live on was folded and layered over eons. I also have an agate which holds a lace work pattern deep in it's heart.

Agate in light

Folded rock

Illuminated agate

New Years Resolution for 2019

Prepping for the New Years Resolution

I have been thinking about this and have noticed that when I stick to actual doable things I can do it.   So Self Care again. 

The first year I did a self care year it was focusing on my face.  It is what is seen by others and really just a little bit of care goes a long way.    It also helps me feel better about myself.  Cleansing and moisturizing helped so much I did not need foundation as much.  the hard part was finding a skin care that worked for me.   So many creams burned my skin which is why it took so long to focus on me.  Shea Butter is not my friend I react to it with blisters.  Try finding a skin cream without this miracle ingredient.  So I mix my own oils a lot of the time.  I do like some of the Korean things but much of it is super harsh.  unless one has bad acne there is no need of charcoal.   Also skip the snail snot thanks.

The second was inspired by having walked on hot pavement and burning my paws to blistery scars.  The problem is I do not feel heat so I did not notice it was too hot to stand on it just felt comfortable, a nice warm surface.  So next time you see that ad 'if you cannot put your hand on the pavement for 30 seconds don't expect your dog to walk on it.'   I easily fry my feet.  I spent a year in moisturizing booties and the foot peel treatments.  Those little things are amazing and it is weirdly fun to see all the skin peel off.

Third year I saw a video on the rice water for hair and wanted to see if it really worked.   OMG!   my hair is thicker.  I was not expecting that.  It did grow faster than usual and noticeably. It also got super soft.   I was told it did not work for others though.   It was a bit fiddly making.  towards the end I was actually spraying it with Saki.   Saki is good as a skin tonic too.


This year I will be focusing on my spirit.   That seems to be where I am being directed to work.  First part is getting rid of negativity.  which I am already working on.  I feel like I have come full circle.  I am starting to pick up on resonating energies again.  I am being directed to subjects I started to study in massage school. I am feeling like blocks are being moved. 

I have even been working on my photography again.   The depression has been easing up. 

I have found a new circle, I am still finding cats that need care and funds for vetting will always be in need.

So

To a bright New Year.

Cheers

Coming out of the funk

M'Agnes beautiful on a beautiful day

I have noticed that I am coming out of my funk.

I really think the catalyst was Aschenputtel.  With her adoption I seem to have let go of what I thought I had let go of.  Aschen was M'Agnes all over. Her purrsonality as well as her looks.   Letting her go was hard but I felt good. I was very careful on who got her too.

Aschen checking the merchandise

 I really think one of the ladies trying to adopt her was the one who dumped her as a young mom in the first place.   No, ma'am you said all the wrong things.  Especially on what you called her -which was the name in the note left on the box that held the kittens in front of the door.  Sweetie was not the name on the placard. So when you said you wanted to adopt "Sweetie" it was a dead give-away.

Aschen making sure the office is in order

I know that Aschen's adoption was a spur of the moment off chance as the Gentleman usually did not shop in my store.   He had just dropped in to get something for his dog Sophia.   Aschen was holding court on the counter.  He said all the right things.   He was ready with a vet and more than willing to go to HER vet.   References would be available.

New Daddy!

I was standing there in shock to be honest.   He was perfect.  My instincts said yes.  Aschen was all over him. So I let her go.  I get updates. He brings her in for pawdicures.  He bought her at least 5 towers. He takes her with him between 2 houses.  One having 3 floors and a wood stair that she gets to race up and down.  He found a picture of his other Siamese that his children grew up with.   I almost thought it was Aschen.   Her name is now Mia.

Yes we took this too to the new house.

Back to the funk issue.   I noticed that I was dealing with depression after the loss of M'Agnes and Lusitania.  I lost both of them too soon after Robber went to cancer.It was really hard to work on the calendars just taking pictures and looking at them was enough to crush me.   I have yet to go back to M'Agnes' beach. 

  

Lately I have been getting energy again.  I am taking pictures of more than sunsets.   I am starting to post pictures again.   I have been more upbeat.  I am starting to look forward to things again.   

So I really think it was the adoption of the last two rescues that has helped me.   

The grey kitten started the flow and Aschen broke the dam.

Turmeric adventures

the other week I was playing with turmeric.   I have had a bag of the powder for quite some time.  I usually use it on my teeth or a face mask to help with whatever sun damage I have.  Not much anymore as I am rarely out during the burning time. 

While thumbing through YouTube I came across a lady who was using it in her hair. She seemed to think it would help her maintain her blond.  Sorry it might temporarily dye your cottons but it will quickly disappear from a protein base.    On further curious ramblings in YT i found other things about the use of Turmeric in hair.    Seems it was/is used by a certain sect of women to gain second sight.  Thing is these women go bald.

Being the curious cat that I am I finally decided to play with it as a ONE time thing.  I mixed up the Turmeric powder with some honey and plastered it in my hair and let it set for an hour. 

On rinsing it out I had a lot of fallout and my hair was extremely dry.   Ummm I love my hair this is not good! I did not think the damage would be so fast!   So oil to the rescue.  My hair was so dry I was adding more oil all week and it never once looked or felt oily.  I was not lightly putting it on either.   I had at least a full ounce in from the beginning.

Did not think anymore on it other than NEVER AGAIN!  After a couple of days I realized my dreams were weird. Don't really remember them now but they struck me as being very different.  It was not till I wanted desperately to work with one of my bonsai trees that it kicked in that I was reacting to the turmeric I had forgotten about.   I felt the tree, It was calling to me.  I went outside in the night for a rock for the tree to rest on.  I reached behind me and set my hand on a rock and brought it in to clean.  While washing the rock I felt it's pain.  I felt where it had been hacked and cut. I started crying for the rocks pain.  I had never felt vibrations that strongly before.    The rock was quartz and I could see that someone had hacked the crystals away and then tossed the mother rock away like trash after her babies were ripped away.  She is now on a stand by my fish tank.

Do I regret the experience? No.  Will I do this again? Yeah NOpe.

Glow

A while back I had an Idea

I kept seeing the pictures of glowing driveways that looked like rivers of stars.  So gorgeous and finally I went searching for the pebbles that made the glow.  

I tried some rock in an aquarium shop that had a natural phosphorescence. While I love looking at them I quickly realized that it would be way way to expensive for those rocks to have been used.   With an amazon search I found the plastic pebbles I could buy them by the pound at a fairly reasonable price so I ordered a bag of blue.  I played with the pebbles for a bit and started popping them in jars and other votive holder. I set many around on shelves and scattered some on the floor for the cats to play with.  I noticed the glow when I walked in the dark house  and they made me smile.  I put little votives  near the light switches.  I set them in areas where they could mark tripping hazards.

 most I ended up giving as gifts. 

I ordered another bag this time in white.  This bag was a little disappointing 

the bag was ripped open and the pebbles were scattered all over the shipping box. But that is something else. 

I think I will make a YT tutorial on this.  I was surprised that I could catch the glow with my camera.

should I or shouldn't I ?

I have been thinking of working more on my YT channel.  There is an infomercial on hope to make money which would be lovely problem is it is not a cheap investment.   basically $1k but if you can get a good following there is a chance of really awesome income.  Sadly I am going to have to let this opportunity pass. 

 Between depression and the lack of inspiration I am currently dealing with  I think this will go the same way my massage career went.  Somehow I just don't see me making money in this area of my life.


there are things I am passionate about. cats being one of them. My creativity has been in such a funk lately! 
I have been trying to get the cats to model for mebut Olwen is the only one putting up with it and even then for all his gorgeous fur He is not the model that M'Agnes was. 


Oliver is much more photogenic but he is rarely around for pictures.And this boy is such a scraggly mess!   at least his fur is finally growing back.   Maybe next year he will have a full coat.  Canyon is gorgeous and has potential.

thought and updates

I have been feeling the spirit of Isolde watching me a lot lately.  Isolde is the one I lost when M'Agnes came into my life.  

Isolde will always be special, she was my first as it were.   She was suppose to be my roommates cat but she always followed me.  She would curl up in my bed and slide her paw into my hand as we slept.  She was my purrfect little model and would strike the pose whenever she saw the camera in hand.   She helped me knit, she would curl up in the middle of a hank of wool and slap down the sticky bits as I was rolling it into a ball.   Her look of betrayal when we got the swift was epic.  Needless to say I did not use the swift around her.   

Isolde is the reason I ended up with so many cats around me.   She could no tolerate being a singleton.  She always had to have other cats around her.  if there were none in the house she would seek out neighborhood cats.  

Right now I feel like I am waiting for something but I don't know what it is.   Just something is about to happen.  The edge of chaos is near.   I am trying to take better care of myself  I have started taking care of my skin first now I am doing rice rinses on my hair.   It has gotten longer and thicker than ever.   oddly it is now also super wavy!  recently I started to work on my nails and have seen the improvement.   The ridges are gone the 'hangnails' are minimal.  They have not noticeably grown but they are denser and less inclined to snag.

I am loving Live love polish even if they are more expensive than I would like.   thing is it is worth it as the polish stays on my nails longer than a few hours.  They also have fun formulas like the thermals.  with how my circulation is I can see which fingers are colder than others as the thermal shifts.

Long time no post

I need to get better at this.   I have been dealing with depression and between the mental exhaustion of work and the need for sleep I have been not able to write.

I have been trying to save the cats in the parking lot at work this is Lui.  he is thankfully safe.   I got him to a lady that is super happy to have him in her yard and hopes to eventually lure him in. He was the last one.  As of this minute my colony at work is gone.  All my lovely black kittens are missing.

Cobweb is safe and is being spoiled

not the best picture I admit but she was too busy to sit still. 

The little Siamese that looked like a clone of M'Agnes is adopted.  That was so hard to let her go.   But her new dad is spoiling her rotten.  She has at least 7 towers whatever she wants to eat and a vacation home.


I will write again later.








 

A cheap ant barrier for the cats bowl.

I was looking at the platter from my meal and thought it was purrfect for an ant barrier.    
Platter and Idea
 
this should work 
 
a little tape 
 
yes that works 
some soapy water 
 
here you go Madelyn

Nightmare.

OK it has been a long time since I have had nightmares so I will write this down to get it out of my head.



It is a work nightmare, the building is changed so is the city.  The store has a second strorey and our parking lot is gone.

In the dream one of my coworkers is acting weird and I am trying to figure out what is going on.  She had met a new customer and was I guess influenced by her. She disappears from the store and I have no idea when or where she has gone.
The next shift I am told she is missing still but no one is worried.  Later in the the shift she appears acting almost stoned. She is with the woman who is acting very scary.  As it is almost time to close I tell them to leave.  Instead they go upstairs  where they had been hiding.

I try to call the boss but no phone will work.

For some reason I grab  the tills and bring them home.  I am still trying to call the boss. I try other phones and none will work. I keep getting gibberish.

I woke up or was woken up around here.  Still trying to call someone and count the store tills down. OK is this not a nightmare?


Sorry I have not been posting.  So much has happened.  I lost little Joseph and found out Aisha has Corona Virus.  I am also watching a cat for a friend.....like I need more cats.

There is another colony forming at work.  One cat looks dead on like Robber I call him Hickory.  Another has injured legs. I have been trying to trap them not that I know what to do if I do catch them.  The vet is on medical leave and has been for months.   But that is the vet that does the snips.  I guess if I catch the injured one I can take it to my regular vet and see what they say.




3 

Depression

I am very tired of being depressed.
I know I am not the only one who has bouts of depression and that almost everyone has dealt with some form of it at some point in their lives.  Lately it has been hard, I get tired of things, apathetic to many daily duties.  Exhausted with dealing with the public.  I hate the constant attacks, the irritation of being yelled at for doing your job.
Yes, I am aware of what is going on and I have a handle on it.  You do not need to micro manage me.
In other words if you want to treat me like an idiot I WILL give you an idiot.

I crave going back to the beach it has been far far too long..  Not since I lost M'Agnes.  I think I lost my way when I lost her. Then to lose Lu too.

Madelyn. She moved in and took over. I wonder if her coming
here was what pushed Lusitania into decline.

I have the new crew,  Madelyn and her babies.  that if you are on Ravelry you know about.  I also have Aisha and Joseph now. The little kittens that are almost 4 months old.  I also lost another bottle baby.  he kept rejecting the KMR and what little I got down him would come back out his nose.  I will learn how to tube feed the babies so next time I get one with similar problem I am better able to help.    Little Roo looked so much like M'Agnes when I first got her.  I had hopes such hope he seemed so very strong he just could not keep his milk down.

Aisha

One of Madelyn's babies, Capt. Olwen, I have found myself calling Robber.  He is so much like Robber in temperment and he is painted like M'Ags so it is very hard at times when I see him basking in the garden.. I love him like anything though.

A very serious Joseph

Capt.Olwen, Playing with Aisha and Joseph

Of the kittens Joseph, he reminds me so very strongly of Tristan.  If he was white I would cry.

The Lady Louise Lusitania *RIP*

Today at 3 pm the hour of mercy my Lulu made her journey to the Bridge. 

first picture from her foster family

 Little Lusitania tormenting Valentine

spotting the lovebird she was sitting on

a very large 5 months old kitten

Come in and play

I got her when she was 4 months old as one can see she was mischievous.

She grew to be the most elegant lady cat.

I never expected her to be as accepting as she was to the other cats, she let them all enter her world and as long as they respected her rule they could stay and be mothered.

Bringing home the hours old baby, however was different.

Lusitania took over motherhood as if M'Agnes was her own .

 Maybe it was because she had been a foundling herself.

 Her favorite place to lay was on a cement bridge over a tiny ornamental pond. The thing is older than me

wearing the cowl made from the first M'Agnes colorway

 She started to lose weight and at first I thought it was from depression.  We had just lost Robber and not that long after that M'Agnes left to follow her Rockstar.

Turns out the weight loss was CRF and caught way too late as my girl did not let me know she was sick until it was too much or her to hide anymore.

You will always be my Queen

together again